˗ˋˏ entry #02 ⋆˚⟡˖

 helloo! today i hanged out with my bestfriend, not for long though. just a few hours. we didn't really do anything though, which i missed. we haven't been doing nothing together recently so i enjoyed it. it felt different but also familiar, i don't know how to explain it.

she told me that she missed shit talking and that her new bestfriend can't hold a conversation and is lowkey boring. i needed to hear that. we talked like we used to. it made me happy, i didn't know how much i missed being with her. she referred to me as her bestfriend which felt so good, i wasn't aware that she still thought of me like that.

her room was different. not entirely different, but a few things have changed. most of her posters have fallen down, there was more writing on her whiteboard (such as her and her new bestfriend's initals with a heart) and the photobooth strips of me and her were taken off of her mirror. 

she wasn't harsh or cold like the last time we hung out, had me wondering if i'd made our past interactions up. 

this time i could see her from a whole new perspective, i'm not inlove with her anymore. 

i have exactly a week left until i start school again. so in that time span i'm gonna try to loose face fat, it might not work but atleast i'd be trying to be productive. whateverrrrr. 

i've been thinking about looks recently, specifically looksmaxxing, and i have to admit that looks DO matter in most scenarios. half the time i'm subconsciously making remarks about people's appearances in my head, which is a horrible thing to do but i can't help it. i look at someone, a stranger, and i immediately start thinking about what they look like, if they're pretty, how they could improve, ect. which is BAD and i cant believe that i, an ugly girl, has the audacity to think like that. WHAT A BITCH!!! 

i do need to improve whatever's going on with my appearance though, i dyed my eyebrows and i need to work on loosing face fat because i don't like how round my face is. i also need more makeup like primer, highlighter, false lashes. i feel like i do have potential, i just don't use it to my advantage. 

i'm gonna try to research about looksmaxxing/blackpill/WHATEVER and hopefully i'll look better in a few months!!!

signed with fairy dust and a wish

- eloise