˗ˋˏ entry #22 ⋆˚⟡˖

 heyyy!!!!!!!!

i didn't go to school again today. i got up, did some exercise and then went out on a walk around the huge field right outside my street. i like where i live, at the end of my street there's a little alley way that leads into a little woody area, onto a one way road that follows to a corner shop, it's like a two minute walk. so i can just get up and walk there to buy a drink, which i've been doing alot lately. 

since i've been hating my body alot more recently, i've been trying to fast more. i fasted for over 24 hours today, unfortunately i broke it because my parents bought me KFC. how disappointing. it's as if they're trying to sabotage me. i've been able to get away with not eating by saying i bought a sandwich from the corner shop, it works. i just feel so fat and gross. i was 101.6lbs before eating the kfc. ugh.

also the corner shop is like out of stock or something. it's been like that for two days. the drink i always get (starbucks caffe latte) is COMPLETELY GONE so i have been buying the starbucks mocha frappuccino instead. it's quite good, i prefer the other drink though. 

jess came round after school, it felt weird seeing her in her uniform, especially in my jumper. we had PE last week, as we were getting changed i put on her jumper by mistake. i really missed her, i forgot how happy her presence makes me. sucks that i am inlove with her, how shameful and filthy. she see's me as a bestfriend while i am over here dreaming about her voice. i feel so guilty. i just have to wait for it to pass.

she stayed with me for a few hours and told me about some drama. alvin and leah are FRIENDS AGAIN?!!!!!???? and POPPY TOLD LEAH THAT WE HAVE BEEN RUNNING AWAY FROM HER???? what the hell POPPY. 

i am gonna try to not eat tomorrow, i sound so disordered. i'm not.

i need to read more, reading will make me a better writer and i have so much books on my shelves, like so much. i never really got round to reading them. maybe reading will help me distract myself.

i am gonna wake up early tomorrow, do my exercise and try to walk around the field for at least an hour. i'll go to the shops and hopefully be able to buy a latte or a frap. it'll be okay. i will be okay. i will get home and maybe catch up on homework or revision. or i will watch a film, maybe i will read. i hopefully will read. reading will improve my english skills, i'm not that good. but i will become good. i will become prettier, smarter and happier. this winter, i will improve. 

i hope the swelling goes away soon, there's two big yellow bruises on my face. ew. 

i am dreading school on thursday, at least i will see jess. she make's it worth it.

i'm gonna sleep now, i am debating whether i should sleep in or wake up early. we'll see.

signed with fairy dust and a wish,

- eloise